


What Once Was Mine

by Dont_Stop_Larry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bottom Louis, Break ups and make ups, Im B!H but jini wanted B!L so here it is, M/M, One Shot, Power Bottom Louis though, Top Harry, based on from the dining table, old tshirts and missed phone calls, requested by a lovely larrie, yeah that's about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 15:52:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12510876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dont_Stop_Larry/pseuds/Dont_Stop_Larry
Summary: The one where Harry and Louis broke up right after the Hiatus started, Harry put his feelings into his album, and Louis tried to move on, but in the end, it was always Louis and Harry.





	What Once Was Mine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [fondingtwinks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fondingtwinks/gifts).



> Hey everyone!
> 
> Ok, so this one was a request by the lovely Jini (@zourryslgbt on Twitter). She loves From The Dining Table and was in desperate need of a fic based on it, so here we are. 
> 
> This is my first time ever writing bottom Louis, so please cut me some slack, I'm used to doing it the other way around. 
> 
> I really liked the concept of this story, and I'm proud of what I did to invoke the song. I hope you all love it.
> 
> Thank yous:  
> Jini (@zourryslgbt on Twitter) for the idea and asking me to write it.  
> Missy (@foolforjaan on Twitter, @happily_missy on AO3) for being my beta/editor  
> And to all of you, who read and comment on my stuff. It actually means so much more than you know.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> L xx

**May 2016**

 

                Harry has been sitting at his dining room table, staring at the wall for about an hour. For the last four months, he had no inspiration. Not since he and Louis had gone their separate ways.

                He had known it was all too good to be true. They’d been together so long that Harry had slipped into the mindset that this was it. He would have Louis for the rest of his life and he’d be blissfully happy with his man by his side. But things never worked out that way, no matter how badly he wanted them to.

                Harry wiped at his eyes furiously, scrubbing his tears away. Louis didn’t deserve his tears. Louis didn’t deserve anything at all. But he was the one preventing Harry from getting any work done for his album. Every time he sat down all he could think about was Louis – his hair, his eyes, the look on his face when he walked out, the anger in his words, the frustration he felt at not being able to stop him, the annoyance that he’d felt at not being able to communicate what he really wanted with Louis. Just everything about him wormed its way into Harry’s mind and took over, and Harry hated it. He hated that after almost half a year, and yet he still thought about Louis all the fucking time. He wanted to forget. But that was impossible.

                Harry slammed his hand down on the table, his pencil rolling onto the floor. He groaned, burying his face in his hands. Louis fucking Tomlinson just had to ruin everything.

                He bent over to retrieve his pencil, and all of a sudden, it struck him. Words were bouncing off his brain like crazy, and he scrambled for paper, writing down random sentences in no particular order as his mind raced. He scribbled down words for about fifteen minutes and then looked at his handiwork. When he moved them around a bit, they almost made sense. For the first time in months, he smiled slightly, scrawling a title at the top of the paper. He smirked – it was a bit ironic, but it just seemed to fit. He pulled out his phone and sent one text message to his manager:

 

_It's time. Studio, tomorrow._

 

                He sighed and closed his phone, leaning back in his chair. Maybe his feelings and frustrations were good for something after all.

 

~

**May 2017**

                Louis ran around his room, picking up random articles of clothing and shoving them in his hamper. He sniffed a shirt, wrinkled his nose, and tossed it aside as he searched for something kind of clean to wear. He didn’t think Alex would appreciate him smelling like a dirty sock, especially if he was going to stay the night.

                He shoved a football jersey and a pair of jeans into his bag, grabbed his phone and wallet, and snapped the light off in his room, closing the door behind him, an old habit that he still hadn’t managed to shake. He turned off all the other lights, ruffled Clifford’s fur a bit, and closed the door to his apartment, locking it and heading for the street downstairs where his car was parked. London didn’t have great parking, but Louis had managed to snag one of the better spots. He was going to have to give it up now, but Alex was worth it.

                He slid into his lovely car, glad that no fans had figured out where his new apartment was yet, and turned the engine over, closing his eyes at the familiar purr of the engine. The radio came on automatically to his favorite station, and a man was speaking.

                “That was Ed Sheeran with Shape of You, everyone. What a great man, always writing fantastic new stuff. And speaking of new stuff, we’ve got new music from the amazing Harry Styles up-”

                Louis turned the radio off at once, rolling his eyes and pulling out onto the street. He didn’t need to hear any more about the “amazing perfect wonderful angel Harry Styles”. That part of his life was behind him now. He was leading a new life, focusing on his music and his new relationship. He didn’t need to hear how Harry Styles was taking the world by storm … Harry was always going to be the most popular one, and he knew it. And he didn’t give a fuck.

                He was just parking outside of Alex’s apartment, looking out the window to check for fans – he still wasn’t out to the public and definitely didn’t need anyone asking why he was at a random guy’s apartment. The coast was clear.

                His phone buzzed as he got out of the car, and he opened the text from Niall.

** Niall: ** _Are you ever going to listen to it?_

                Louis rolled his eyes. Niall had always been the man in the middle, the one trying to keep the peace as things between Harry and Louis had become more and more intense and distant. And he was still that person, still friends with both of them, still trying to fix what was broken.

                Louis had considered it, though. When he’d heard on the Breakfast Show that Harry was coming out with an album, he’d turned it off at once, walked to the bathroom, and taken the longest fucking shower of his life. He didn’t know why, but it helped him think. His brain was all confused – it had been the first time he’d heard Harry’s name in a year and a half, and it brought up a lot of shit he didn’t want to remember. He knew, however, that Harry was an excellent songwriter, and if he really was putting out an album, it would be the best album of the year, it would top all the charts, and his beautiful voice would become a regular in households worldwide.

                But he didn’t care. Whatever he and Harry had had, it was over. And he couldn’t go around listening to his music and pining over something he’d given up in the first place.

** Louis: ** _No._

                He pocketed his phone, closed his car door, and hurried into Alex’s building, only taking his hood down when he was in the elevator.

~

                “Harry, so happy you managed to squeeze this call in last minute! How are you?”

                “I’m great, thanks, how are you?” Harry replied, trying not to sound as tired as he felt. Time zones really were a shitty thing. He’d been interviewing nonstop since the release of his album, and he’d been about to go to bed when his manager had called with a last minute request, and Harry couldn’t refuse.

                “Great. Good to hear from you. So the album is doing well, innit?”

                “Yeah, yeah, doing great. I’m so pleased that people, umm, you know, like what I had to say. I felt like I was very honest and … and open, and I’m glad I got to share that part of me with my fans.”

                The interviewer paused for a moment and Harry yawned, biting down on his hand so as not to make any noise. He was live, after all.

                “What would you say is your most personal song on the album?” The interviewer sounded so curious, but Harry had an answer ready that no one ever liked.

                “Well, I mean, I think that each song has a little bit of personality to it, you know? Not all of them are my stories, but I’m sure that the fans will know what each song is kind of about. I spent a lot of time just writing what I wanted to listen to, and it turned into something amazing that I’m very proud of.”

                “Well, we love it over here, Harry. Absolutely brilliant work!”

                “Thank you, thank you so much,” Harry replied, forcing his voice to sound cheery as he held back another yawn.

                “Do you have a favorite song on the album that you’d like us to play?”

                Harry actually thought about this one for a few moments before replying, praying that it was the last question and he could finally go to sleep. “Umm, no, not really. I think each song kind of works with a particular mood, and I love all of the songs I wrote. I think they’re each a very important part of me.”

                “Really good with going around those questions, eh?” The interviewer allowed himself a chuckle, and Harry laughed a little as well.

                “Yeah.”

                “Well, that’s all the time we have, thank you for joining us.”

                “Yeah, sure, thanks for having me,” Harry said, his eyes already drooping closed. The phone went dead and Harry quickly turned the radio on. Despite how tired he was, he wanted to know what song they were going to pick.

                “That was Harry Styles, everybody. He’s really great, isn’t he? Well, I’d normally just sign off and play Sign of the Times, but I think tonight calls for something a bit more melancholy. Here’s From the Dining Table by Harry Styles!”

                Harry turned the volume of the radio down and heard the opening notes of his song. As he drifted off to sleep, he wondered vaguely if Louis was listening, and if he knew what this song meant.

~

                “Wanna turn on the radio, babe?” Alex asked, snaking an arm around Louis’ waist and kissing his neck softly. Louis let him, leaning into the touch and letting his eyes fall shut.

                “Yeah, that sounds amazing.”

                Louis knew that when Alex wanted the radio on, sex was soon to follow and Louis was desperate to have a cock up his ass. It had been almost a week and Louis needed someone to just fuck him hard and dirty.

                Alex leaned over the arm of the couch and turned the radio on, the dim light of the candles flickering off the walls and giving the tiny apartment a very cozy and sexy vibe. Louis hummed and found Alex’s lips, sucking on his bottom one briefly before exploring his mouth with his tongue.

                “…really great, isn’t he? Well, I’d normally just sign off and play Sign of the Times, but I think tonight calls for something a bit more melancholy. Here’s From the Dining Table by Harry Styles!”

                Louis froze. He knew he could ask Alex to turn the radio off, not when Alex was again exploring his neck with his lips, but Louis couldn’t listen. He didn’t want to listen.

                The opening chords of the song started and Louis screwed his eyes shut, trying to block it out, but there was nothing to be done as Harry’s soft voice came in.

 

_Woke up alone in this hotel room_

_Played with myself, where were you?_

_Fell back to sleep, I got drunk by noon,_

_I’ve never felt less cool._

 

                Alex sensed something was off, because he stopped kissing Louis’ neck and pulled back to listen. Louis was frozen where he sat, his mind swimming as Harry’s voice seemed to fill the room.

 

_We haven’t spoke since you went away_

_Comfortable silence is so overrated_

_Why won’t you ever be the first one to break?_

_Even the phone misses your calls, by the way._

               

                Louis swallowed. He could almost feel the emotion, could almost see Harry writing this as he sat at his – once their – scrubbed wooden dining table. He could see rain pounding down outside the giant windows, and Harry’s long curls, now lobbed off and cut short, brushing the paper as he leaned close …

 

_I saw your friend that you know from work,_

_He said you feel just fine._

_I see you gave him my old t-shirt_

_More of what once was mine._

 

_I see it’s written, it’s all over his face,_

_Comfortable silence is so overrated._

_Why won’t you ever say what you wanna say?_

_Even my phone misses your calls, by the way._

 

                “Isn’t this that guy you used to be in a band with?” Alex asked, looking at Louis with interest. Louis nodded curtly. He hadn’t mentioned much about Harry to Alex, and most definitely hadn’t talked about how they’d been together for nearly six years. But the more Louis listened to Harry’s words, the sicker he felt.

 

_Maybe one day you’ll call me, and tell me that you’re sorry too_

_Maybe one day you’ll call me, and tell me that you’re sorry too_

_Maybe one day you’ll call me, and tell me that you’re sorry too_

_But you, you never do._

 

                Louis pressed his lips together hard. After he’d left Harry at the very beginning of their hiatus, Harry had called him nearly every day, apologizing for whatever had happened and begging Louis to talk to him. Louis had ignored every single one of those messages, and had never called back. He thought by blocking Harry out, he could keep himself from going back, and it had worked, but now …

 

_Woke up the girl who looked just like you,_

_I almost said your name_

 

_We haven’t spoke since you went away._

_Comfortable silence is so overrated._

_Why won’t you ever say what you wanna say?_

_Even my phone misses your call …_

_We haven’t spoke since you went away._

_Comfortable silence is so overrated._

_Why won’t you ever say what you wanna say?_

_Even my phone misses your call, by the way._

 

                The song faded out in low guitar tones and the scratching in the background, almost as if Harry had been writing along with the song. Louis didn’t move. He didn’t say anything – he didn’t think his voice would have worked anyway.

                “That was pretty good. You didn’t tell me he was so good,” Alex said easily, leaning back over to kiss Louis as the next song started. But Louis pulled away, standing up so suddenly that Alex jumped. “What’s wrong?”

                “I … I have to go.”

                Louis wasn’t even aware of moving towards the door, but Alex grabbed his arm and held him back.

                “Where are you going? I thought you were staying over tonight?”

                Louis shook his head, pulling gently away from his boyfriend. “I just have to go. See you tomorrow.”

                Louis picked up his bag in a trance, not even bothering to stop until he was in his car and buckled in. And then he let his emotions take over. His breath came quicker as he fumbled for his phone, his finger punching in the number he’d had memorized for years. He didn’t know why he was doing this, but he just knew that he had to. He had to call Harry right now.

                The phone rang. And rang and rang. Louis was on the point of hanging up when the automated message came on, Harry’s voice rumbling low and deep throughout his entire body.

                “Hey, it’s Harry, sorry I can’t get to my phone. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you. Have an amazing day!”

                The tone sounded, and it took Louis a moment of fumbling for words before he could speak.

                “Umm … hi. It’s Louis. Look, I know it’s been a long time. We kinda just … umm, I don’t know what ... but I felt like I had to call you. I want to talk, if you want to. I’m at a new address, I can text it to you if you want to meet up? Yeah, and umm … congrats on the album. Right … bye then, I guess.”

                Louis hung up, letting out a breath. His hands were shaking. He put his phone down and drove, not to his place, not anywhere in particular. He just needed to drive.

~

                Harry woke up next morning with his face stuck to his pillow and his alarm going off; he had six more interviews today alone, and the first one was coming up soon. He had to look presentable. He stumbled out of bed, not even bothering to check his phone as he turned on the shower.

                When he hurried back to his room, toweling his hair dry and tugging his boots on, he finally turned his phone over, and his heart jumped up into his throat. He had a message from Louis. Why he hadn’t deleted his phone number ages ago, he didn’t know, but there it was, plain as day. His palms started sweating and his heart raced … he needed to relax. It was just a message.

                With slightly shaking fingers, he swiped it open and put the phone to his ear, listening as he pulled his other boot on and grabbed his wallet, heading for the car that was parked outside.

                “Umm … hi. It’s Louis. Look, I know it’s been a long time. We kinda just … umm, I dont’ know what ... but I felt like I had to call you. I want to talk, if you want to. I’m at a new address, I can text it to you if you want to meet up? Yeah, and umm … congrats on the album. Right … bye then, I guess.”

                Harry was in the car as the message finished playing, and though his driver said good morning, Harry didn’t respond. He just stared at his phone, not knowing what to say. He hadn’t expected this, not now, not ever, really. He hadn’t really thought about Louis in months, other than the random thought before he’d fallen asleep last night. Louis had made no move to contact him for almost two years … why now? What had changed?

                Harry quickly texted Niall, telling him what happened, and Niall’s message back was short and to the point.

** Niall: ** _Call him back. Set up this meeting. Do something. You two need to work your shit out._

                Harry hesitated before responding to Niall, and then he opened a new message, typing out the words and sending them before he could lose the nerve.

** Harry: ** _Fine. Give me a time, and I’ll see if I can show up. Hope this isn’t some sort of joke._

~

                Louis made his way to what had once been his favorite café, grinding his teeth. The café was very out of the way, and only for celebs, so it was a safe place for them to meet, or so Louis hoped. He shouldn’t have requested this meeting, he knew that now, but it was too late. He might as well try to make this work. He had to admit – he missed Harry a bit more than he wanted to let on.

                He took his seat by the window, watching the street aimlessly. The people walking past had no idea the turmoil that was going on in his mind, nor did they care. But Louis felt like an alien.

                The door opened with a musical tinkle and Louis looked up, his breath catching as a tall man walked in.

                Louis knew that Harry had cut his hair off for his movie, but what he saw still shocked him. It was like Harry from four years ago was standing before him, but taller and with better dress sense and just the slightest hint of stubble. Harry turned, his dimpled smile faltering slightly as he caught sight of Louis. Louis felt his heart break a little, but he refused to feel sad right now.

                He stood up and thought about offering his hand to Harry, but it seemed so formal, so … wrong. He opted instead for an awkward sort of wave, which Harry just threw a look at before plastering a fake smile on his face.

                “Louis. Good to see you,” Harry said, his deep voice making every bone in Louis’ body vibrate. _Concentrate, Tommo,_ Louis thought to himself, and he nodded, taking his seat again. He wasn’t quite sure where to start, but he had called this meeting in the first place. He had to say something.

                “So … it’s been a long time,” Louis said, inwardly cringing at his own words. Harry’s face betrayed his feelings at once; his face fell and he looked uncomfortable.

                “Yeah, I guess so.”

                There was an awkward silence before Louis came up with something to say.

                “Umm … yeah, so as I said … congrats on your album and-”

                “Louis, why did you call me?” Harry’s voice was hard, but his eyes betrayed him. They were sad, confused, and the way Harry was looking at him didn’t help him find his words.

                “I just thought maybe we could, I don’t know, talk things out or something …” Louis tried to figure out what exactly it was that he wanted to say, but before he could, Harry cut him off.

                “What’s there to talk about? You decided I wasn’t enough for you and you left me. It’s literally that simple.” Louis felt a wave of annoyance sweep through him, and it clearly showed on his face, because Harry’s green eyes turned stormy at once. “What? You think something other than that happened? Because really, Louis, I’d love to know what your explanation is for why you left me.”

                Louis could feel his anger rising, as it had done the night he’d left Harry, but he was determined to keep this professional. “Look, I didn’t … I just needed a break from everything, and it was too much to think about, all this stuff about our future being uncertain and all this shit. And besides, you weren’t being the most supportive boyfriend, if I’m being honest.”

                Harry glared at him. “And what, exactly, do you mean by that?” His voice was rising and people were starting to look shiftily over at them, which just annoyed Louis even more.

                “You cared more about spending time with all your famous friends than you did with me. And when I needed you, you just said it was too hard and you needed space. And I gave that space to you, but it broke me to do so. And it just got to be too much. We were more like roommates than actual boyfriends and I wanted more. It was clear that you didn’t, so I ended it. Better for both of us in the end, yeah?”

                Harry stood up, nearly knocking over his chair, and Louis stood up to face him. He felt another pang of annoyance at the fact that Harry was so much taller than he was. In truth, it was only a few inches, but in cases like this, when Louis was trying to have the upper hand in what was developing into a heated argument, it was hard to seem intimidating and authoritative when he was looking up at the person.

                “That is not what happened and you know it …” Harry growled, his face inches from Louis’ own.

                “Then what the fuck happened, Harry, because obviously I know nothing and you’re some amazing asshole who knows the answer to everything. So spit it out! Tell me what part of what I just said was wrong?”

                “Every fucking part of it is wrong, Louis. I can’t even believe I came here tonight … you’re exactly the same as you were two years ago … selfish and withdrawn and not the Louis I fell in love with. I guess you didn’t think I was worth enough to try for, so just … stay the fuck away from me.”

                “Fine! It’s not like I thought we could make up anyway!”

                Louis shoved his chair back towards his table, but Harry didn’t bother. He turned on his heel and walked out, the light musical tinkle of the door sounding extremely loud to Louis.  Louis just stood there, breathing hard and fuming. Harry knew nothing … he knew absolutely nothing of what Louis had been through.

                Louis threw a few pounds down on the table and headed for the door. People drew back from him, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to go home … he was done with Harry. And this time he meant it.

~

                Harry spent the next two weeks doing everything in his power to forget about Louis and their shouting match. He knew he’d reacted badly, but he was just so mad at Louis, and two years of being on his own had done nothing to curb that anger. Louis might have thought he was doing the right thing, but he’d broken Harry in a way that Harry knew he’d never heal from, and no matter how angry he was at Louis, he still felt that pull, that need to be close to him, the love he felt, every time he was around or even mentioned. Harry hated himself for that.

                As promo for his album came to an end, he found himself thinking about Louis more often. He hadn’t realized how much of an escape promo had been until he didn’t have it to distract him from his conflicted feelings.

                He tried ignoring it, but then Louis wormed his way into his dreams, and eventually, Harry just couldn’t take it.

                It was a sunny day in London, rare for the area, and Harry was out walking. He’d been walking for almost two hours, just trying to keep his mind occupied with anything but Louis. Thankfully, in London, he didn’t often get followed by fans anymore, and the paps were just minor annoyances. He was just thinking about where he might have lunch when he nearly ran into someone walking the other way.

                “Oh, man, I’m so sorry, mate,” Harry said, and the other guy waved it off, smiling from under a head of blonde hair. Harry cocked his head to one side as the man spoke to him.

                “Not a problem, wasn’t watching where I was going. Hey … you’re that guy, the guy from One Direction with the long hair … Harry Styles, right?” The man smiled, his perfect white teeth flashing in the sun, and Harry put on a smile, even though he didn’t much feel like interacting with fans.

                “Yeah, that’s me. Nice to meet you …” He trailed off awkwardly and the man laughed.

                “The name’s Alex. I heard your song on the radio a few weeks ago … something about a table, if I remember right.”

                Harry nodded, his smile intact, and that’s when he noticed it. This man was wearing a Rolling Stones t-shirt, one riddled with holes, and with a pang that had his heart stopping he realized why he liked it so much. That shirt was his, he was sure of it. He didn’t know how it was possible, because the last person he remembered giving that shirt to was …

                “Louis …” Harry whispered, and Alex raised an eyebrow.

                “Yeah … what about Louis? He’s my boyfriend. He was actually there when I heard the song. Left right after, what a weirdo.”

                Harry felt tears welling up in his eyes, but he couldn’t afford to let this man see him cry. He and Louis had never been out, and it would be interesting to explain it when this Alex guy spilled the beans on a five year long hidden relationship in one of the biggest boy bands in the world.

                “Nice to meet you. I’ve gotta run.”

                Harry was gone before Alex had even said farewell, and Harry kept walking until he reached the alleyway, all thoughts of food forgotten. He felt his breath coming in pants as tears streaked his cheeks. Louis had given his favorite shirt, Harry’s oldest shirt, to this … this person. Did he even consider how that would make Harry feel?

                _Well, no. He moved on, and he still had the shirt. Nothing you could have done,_ said the voice in his head, and Harry leaned against the brick wall, trying to stop his tears before he was discovered. He wanted to deny it, but the feeling in his chest was a familiar one: jealousy.

                Louis had left him without a second thought and now Harry had discovered that he’d moved on and was sharing clothes, _his fucking clothes_ , with this other man who had no business dating his Louis. It was his entire fucking song come to life and he didn’t like it. Alex wasn’t worthy of Louis. Harry was … he was worthy of Louis … or was he? Harry didn’t even know anymore.

                He wiped his eyes and looked around to make sure he hadn’t been had, and he slowly made his way back to the main street and towards home. He just wanted to forget about Louis and move on. But how could he forget about the person that had been his inspiration for so long? For that, Harry had no answer.

~

                “Louis, you’re not going to believe who I saw today,” Alex said as Louis walked into his apartment later. Louis had been working hard all morning in the studio, getting ready for the release of his second single and his album, and had just gotten off work. Alex had suggested they have dinner together so that Louis could destress, and here he was, the smell of Chinese takeout wafting through the room and making Louis feel at peace. He loved Chinese.

                “Who? Your ex? Bet that was a great moment. “Oh, hey, Alex, long time no see, heard you’re dating a superstar, I want to get back together.” What a load of bullshit.” Louis threw himself into a chair and pulled a container of rice towards him, his stomach rumbling.

                “No. Actually, I saw Harry Styles.”

                Louis choked on his rice and had a coughing fit as he tried to breathe properly. When he lifted his head, red faced and breathless, it was to Alex looking at him with a look Louis had never seen on his face, and he couldn’t quite describe. It was gone in a moment, however, as Alex smiled.

                “Yeah. Ran right into him literally. He was pretty nice. He mentioned you, actually, which was weird. How could he have known I was dating you? Unless you told him, but you haven’t spoken to him in a while, if I remember right. Must have been a lucky guess.”

                _Your shirt_ , Louis thought automatically, realizing just how obvious it must have been to Harry … that had been his favorite shirt and Louis must have left it here at some point. Louis nodded, taking another bite of rice to avoid having to say anything. He was sure if he did, he’d either end up ranting about him for hours or crying, neither of which he could do in front of Alex – Alex would think he was pathetic.

                Alex sat across from Louis and they moved on from the topic of Harry, but Louis’ mind was stuck on him. Stuck on his green eyes and the way they’d stared accusingly at him the last time they’d seen each other. Louis didn’t understand, and he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

                After they had eaten through all of the food, Alex wanted to cuddle on the couch, but Louis declined, opting to head home instead. His mind was swimming, only able to focus on one thing, and he just needed to forget. He had to forget Harry Styles.

 

                Four hours later, Louis was completely wasted, a bottle half empty in his hand and well on its way to join the others on the table before him. He’d downloaded all of Harry’s album two hours ago and had been listening to it on repeat since. He couldn’t stop. He needed to hear Harry’s voice. Louis drank and drank as he listened to Harry sing about pain and loss and miscommunication and nights out and pregnancies and the longer he listened, the more confused he became. He thought he should know what these songs were about, but they were all bleeding together in one big Harry mess.

                It was on the fifth listen of Kiwi that Louis stood up, swaying from side to side as he downed the rest of his bottle and dropped it onto the couch. One idea was planted firmly in his mind as he tried to make it to his door, grabbing his keys on the way. He needed to see Harry. Right now.

~

                Harry was in bed, almost asleep, when someone knocked at his door. Normally, he would have just ignored it, but the pounding became increasingly louder and eventually, he could stand it. He threw off his covers, shivering slightly as the wind from his fan hit him, and he headed towards his front door, brushing his messy curls out of his eyes and scratching his exposed tummy.

                When he opened the door, Louis was the last person he expected to see, but there he was, completely hammered and smelling strongly of a mixture of drinks that Harry couldn’t possibly have picked out if he tried.

                “Haaaaaarry,” Louis drawled, stumbling against the doorframe, his eyes half closed. “You’re awake! Figured you’d be asleep but you’re not! And now I’m here … you happy to see me, Harold? Bet you are …”

                Harry just stood there, not really sure what to do. Louis was clearly messed up and Harry couldn’t just leave him here, but part of him wanted to shove Louis away and make him wander the streets until pictures of him passed out on a bench hit the tabloids. But he couldn’t do that.

                “Come in, Lou,” Harry said, the nickname slipping past his lips easily. He caught Louis as he stumbled over the doorframe, Louis’ deadweight landing heavily in his arms. Harry became very aware that he was wearing nothing but his boxers, and apparently, Louis had noticed as well, because he giggled up at Harry, his eyes half closed.

                “You’re all warm, Hazza. And all naked. I like it when you’re naked. So pretty all the time.”

                Harry was sure that Louis was just babbling now, but he couldn’t help it if Louis’ words got to him a little. He pulled Louis into a standing position and helped him to his spare bedroom. The least he could do was give Louis a place to stay until he sobered up.

                They entered the room and Louis flopped back onto the soft bed, a sleepy smile on his face.

                “Alright, Louis … gonna let you sleep, yeah?” Harry said, his feelings all over the place as he took in Louis’ body laying limply on his bed. Louis laughed again, rubbing at his eyes like a child.

                “Yeah. Sleep is good. So pretty, Hazza, always. Your eyes are like really wet grass …” Louis trailed off, licking his lips and looking suddenly sad. “M’sorry, Harry. Didn’t mean it. Didn’t mean any of it. Want you to forgive me.”

                Harry couldn’t think of anything to say to this; truth was, he didn’t trust himself to speak or do much of anything right now. He pulled a blanket over Louis, leaving him fully clothed, and, before he could stop himself, pressed a kiss to his temple. “Sleep well, Lou.”

~

                When Louis woke up the next morning, his head was only slightly hurting. He sat up and a soft white duvet fell off of him. He inhaled the familiar lavender scent and was suddenly wide awake, scrambling out from under the covers and falling to the floor in a heap.

                It had been a long time since he’d fallen asleep in Harry’s bed, and he immediately patted himself down, only slightly relaxing when he discovered that he was still wearing his clothes from the night before. He stumbled to his feet, rubbing at his eyes and letting out a small groan as his head throbbed suddenly.

                He looked around, realizing that he wasn’t in Harry’s bed exactly, but the guest bedroom in Harry’s apartment. The duvet, however, was a familiar one … the one they’d used when they had lived together. Louis felt suddenly sick, though he was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the amount of alcohol he’d consumed the night before.

                How had he even ended up at Harry’s? He remembered very little of what had happened, but as he wandered towards the door, he heard music playing softly from the direction of the kitchen:

 

_Sweet Creature_

_Had another talk about where it’s going wrong_

 

                Louis knew those lyrics … they were from Harry’s album, the album he had listened to on repeat the night before. Bits of it were coming back to him now as he looked down at himself, realizing how disgusting he was.

                He could hear Harry moving around in the kitchen, humming along to his own music, and Louis felt something stir in his chest, though he couldn’t quite place the emotion. Then his eyes landed on the end of the bed, where a pair of joggers and a t-shirt were laid out gently. Louis knew they were his; Harry’s long legs were way too long for those joggers, and the shirt would even be tight on him. Harry must have had some of his old clothes.

                Louis walked slowly back to the bed and picked them up, lifting them to his face and pressing his nose into the fabric. They smelled just as he remembered – a mixture of Louis’ natural smell and Harry’s cologne. Louis almost wanted to throw the clothes across the room, but he couldn’t. He wanted to put them on, wanted to feel some of the comfort that he’d been studiously avoiding for the last year and a half.

                Once Louis had pulled off his dirty clothes and slipped into the joggers and shirt, he walked slowly down the hallway and into the brightly lit kitchen, blinking and wincing in the harsh morning sunlight coming through the window.

                Harry was standing with his back to Louis, his thin white shirt riding up slightly as he reached into a cabinet. Louis just stood there for a moment and stared at him. Even after everything, Louis would never be able to deny Harry’s beauty. He was just so … perfect, so beautiful and glowing all the time, and Louis still didn’t quite understand how he’d been so lucky to meet this man. Though now, things were a bit … complicated.

                Louis cleared his throat and Harry gave a little screech, spinning around and nearly dropping the mug he was holding. His face went through a series of emotions, first fear, then recognition, then softness, and then a resolute pout as he nodded and brushed his growing curls out of his eyes.

                “Morning, Lou. Did you sleep alright?”

                “Yeah, I … how did I get here?” Louis asked, walking through the kitchen to the small table next to the window and taking a seat, rubbing his temples in an effort to make his headache go away.

                Harry looked at him for a long moment before answering, turning away from Louis. Louis felt his stomach drop. Harry couldn’t even look at him, and it hurt more than Louis thought it would.

                “Well, you just … you showed up at my door, completely plastered, and I took pity on you and let you stay here. Nothing happened, I promise. Just … a friend doing something for a friend, I guess, if you can even call us friends.”

                Louis felt tears building behind his eyes, and he couldn’t explain it, but he felt utterly broken in that moment.

                “I … Umm …” Louis started, trying to find words that would properly explain what he was feeling, but Harry was making his way over to the table, a stack of blueberry pancakes and sausages in one hand and two glasses of orange juice in the other. He set it all down at the table and sat across from Louis, pulling a paper plate towards him and filling it with food. Louis waited until Harry was finished before taking his own food, and they sat in silence for a while, both of them just picking at their food before Louis finally got up the nerve to speak.

                “Look, Harry, I’m so sorry. About last night, about … about everything.”

                Harry looked up from his plate, his green eyes wide and almost hopeful. Louis swallowed and forced himself to continue. He had to get this out.

                “I’m … I was a fucking idiot. I still am. I didn’t … it was so much to handle and I never saw you, we never had time alone together unless we were asleep, and I couldn’t take it anymore. And I left and I was a jackass about it, but I never stopped … I mean, I … fuck, Harry, I never stopped caring about you. Not for one second.”

                Harry had sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, which Louis knew was a sign that he was trying not to cry. It didn’t help his resolve to stay calm and collected one bit.

                “You … you mean that?” Harry asked, his voice small, and Louis finally put down his fork, letting his iron walls down.

                “Of course I mean it, Hazza.”

                “Louis, you just left. And it broke me, so much. I couldn’t write for months. I couldn’t even sleep. You were always right there, at the forefront of everything, and it hurt more than I can explain.”

                Louis felt his heart break just that much more, and he inhaled deeply, trying desperately to keep his tears at bay. He was Louis Tomlinson. He didn’t cry when things got hard.

                “I know … I’m so sorry …” Louis couldn’t get any more words out. The lump in his throat was too big, too constricting.

                “Well, I guess it was lucky we broke up then, because a majority of my album was inspired by what happened between us,” Harry said with a raw laugh, and Louis just sat there, staring at him. He hadn’t expected that … Harry’s album had been so full of pain and frustration, and Louis never thought that was because of him, but now it almost made sense.

                “Which … which songs?” Louis asked quietly, looking up at Harry through his lashes, and Harry gave him a wan smile.

                “Well, Two Ghosts was the big one. But I wrote that song ages ago, back in 2013 when … yeah. And From The Dining Table, and … a few others.”

                Louis couldn’t help it now. A few tears made their way down his cheeks and he sniffed, wiping them away quickly. Those were the two songs he had listened to the most, the two that really got to him, and it turned out that they were about him.

                “Harry, I …”

                “Lou, don’t apologize. I … I know that you may have been right on a few occasions. I spent so much time out because … well, the nights I wanted to spend with you, you were spending with … her, or doing photo sessions with that god-awful family for their publicity. And I needed to forget about that, and just throw myself into something that had nothing to do with stunts. And it hurt to come home and see you broken like that. So the more you looked hurt, the more I pulled away, and it was wrong, it was so wrong. I should have just …”

                Louis shook his head and stood up, hurrying around the table and practically throwing himself into Harry’s arms.

                “Please, just … stop. Just hold me, fuck, I forgive you, it was all my fault anyway,” Louis mumbled into Harry’s chest, clutching at his shirt. Tears were streaming freely down his face now, and he knew he was getting Harry all gross and wet, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Harry’s strong arms were wrapped around him, returning the hug, and he suddenly felt whole again. He felt like everything that had been wrong in his life for the past year and a half was suddenly mended, and it was all because Harry was holding him again.

                Louis could feel Harry shaking against him … Harry was crying too. Louis buried his face into Harry’s chest still further and they held each other for a long time.

                When they finally let go, they were both red eyed from crying, and there was a pause before either of them spoke.

                “I … Lou, what’s happening here? Like … are w-we, umm …”

                Harry brushed a piece of hair off his forehead, biting his lip and looking nervous.

                “I … I don’t know, but … I just think we … we need to take things slow, yeah? I want you in my life, but I … don’t know if I could handle more than just friends right now.”

                “I think you’re right. Slow … I want to relearn you, Louis. Every bit of you. And I …” Harry paused, looking right at Louis, before continuing in a slow voice. “I want us to talk more. I don’t want to hold back from you … I think maybe that was our mistake.”

                Louis nodded again, the small thought about Alex disappearing as he looked into Harry’s beautiful, glassy green eyes. He felt like an enormous weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

                “So … you’re really ok with … just friends?” Louis asked, checking to be sure, and Harry pressed his lips together before nodding.

                “No one said you had to stay tied to me forever. You fell for someone else, and as long as you’re happy, I’m happy, yeah?”

                Louis bit the inside of his cheek before swooping in and pressing a light kiss to Harry’s cheek, right on his dimple. He backed away, giving Harry his space, before speaking.

                “I should go … Alex is probably waiting for me … I vaguely remember promising him breakfast this morning?” Louis laughed nervously, and Harry’s lips turned up in a small smile that made Louis’ feeling of guilt fade away slightly.

                “Yeah … tell him I said hey, alright?”

                Louis smiled. “I will. And I’ll text you later, ok? Maybe we can get dinner or something.” Louis walked towards the door and only stopped when his hand was on the handle. “Hazza?”

                Harry looked up from the scrubbed wooden table, his eyes curious.

                “Thank you. For taking care of me. And for being so … you.”

                Louis turned the handle and stepped into the hallway, taking in one last glance at Harry before hurrying to the stairs. It was only when he was halfway home that he realized he’d left his clothes at Harry’s place.

~

                For the next month, there wasn’t a day that Harry didn’t text Louis. There was so much to iron out, so much to talk about and fix, but mostly, Harry was just glad to have Louis back in his life.

                It didn’t help, however, that every time he saw Louis, he wanted to pin him up against a door and kiss him till his lips were bright pink and bruised. Harry had always been over-affectionate with Louis, and this “just friends” thing was killing him slowly.

                His promo tour, however, kept him pretty busy, so when he was interviews, he wasn’t thinking as much about how much he wanted to push Louis up against a wall.

                The fans had noticed a change in him, he had seen plenty of talk about it on Twitter, and he was ok with that. He couldn’t stop smiling and he didn’t see any reason to stop them thinking whatever they thought. He was happy. He was lucky. And he wouldn’t trade that for the world.

                Louis had been spending an awful lot of time with Harry. Whenever Harry was in London, Louis was at his place, and they were watching movies and drinking beers and cooking food like old times, back when they used to live together. And Harry loved it, but at the same time, it almost bothered him that Louis wasn’t spending a lot of time with his boyfriend.

                According to Louis, he and Alex were going strong and he was very happy, but Harry couldn’t help but notice the tired expression on Louis’ face every time he got a message from the guy. Harry didn’t say anything for a while, but soon enough it was getting too hard to hold it back.

                Harry leaned forward and paused the movie, and Louis looked up sleepily from his position laying against Harry’s chest. Harry hadn’t said anything when Louis had cuddled up to him. Cuddling was what friends did, right?

                “Why’d you stop it, Haz?” Louis mumbled, rubbing at his eyes and sitting up. Harry swallowed and then mustered up his courage. He wasn’t going to back down.

                “I was just thinking … shouldn’t you be hanging out with your boyfriend? It’s a Friday night …”

                Harry bit his lip, immediately regretting his words as Louis sat up, distancing himself from Harry and pressing his lips together.

                “I … I mean, yeah, I guess, he just, umm …”

                Louis seemed sad, almost frustrated, and Harry put a hand on his knee, waiting for him to finish.

                “He’s been pretty busy, you know, and he hasn’t asked me over in a while. Been visiting family and what not … just haven’t thought about it? And you’re only here sometimes so I like to take advantage of the time I have with my best mate, you know?”

                Harry nodded, but something seemed off. A million thoughts were running through his mind, most of them along the same lines, but there was no way he wanted to upset Louis like that, so he just kept them all inside.

                “Well, maybe you should surprise him? Take him flowers or take out or something, just have a night in with him. I’m sure he’d love it. I know I always enjoy my nights in with you.”

                Louis looked down, and Harry could almost swear that he was blushing, but before Harry could say anything else, Louis stood up, nodding in response.

                “That’s actually a great idea. He did say he was coming home today from his mother’s, so maybe you’re right. It’s still early in the evening …”

                Harry smiled and stood up as well, walking towards the kitchen and handing Louis the Chinese takeout menu. “You can order it to here and then take it with you. I know he doesn’t live too far from here.”

                “Thanks, Haz … you’re the best you know that?”

                Harry grinned wider, but inside, he was breaking just a little bit. He had been hoping to get Louis all warm and soft and sleepy and then maybe sneak in a kiss tonight, but now that was over, and it was his own fault.

                “But wait … we had a whole night planned, what are you going to do now?” Louis asked, and Harry shrugged, trying to pretend that he wasn’t just imagining making out with Louis.

                “Hmm, not sure. Might do some yoga, get some songwriting done for the next album or something.” Harry was just spouting out words, but he thought maybe some yoga would calm his irrational jealousy and need for Louis to be close to him.

                Louis picked up his phone and then put it away again. “Forget the food. I just want to go see him, maybe take some flowers. He’d like that.” Louis leaned over the table between them and kissed Harry’s cheek. “Thank you, love. I’ll text you later, then?”

                Harry swallowed hard and nodded, trying not to smile too big or make his fond face, which Louis had informed him back when they were together that he did quite often. Louis waved goodbye to Harry and grabbed his coat, heading out into the hallway and closing the door softly behind him. Harry let out a sigh and headed for his room, stripping his shirt off along the way. He definitely needed to do yoga now.

~

                Louis stopped at one of his favorite stores on the way to Alex’s place to pick up some flowers. He got roses, because that was Alex’s favorite, but it took him forever to pick the right color. He was excited. He’d always done little things like this for Harry, and now he was getting to do them again for Alex. He hoped Alex loved it.

                He headed up to Alex’s door and slipped his key from his pocket. Finding the door unlocked, he slipped inside quietly and headed for the kitchen, laying the roses down on the counter and looking around. The lights were off, but he had nearly tripped over some shoes by the door on his way in, so he knew someone had to be home. He was just thinking of calling Alex to freak him out just a little when he heard noise coming from down the hall.

                Louis exited the kitchen and moved into the hallway, seeing a sliver of soft light coming from Alex’s bedroom door. Excited, Louis hurried towards it, not registering the noises and voices he was hearing until the door was already open.

                Alex was there alright, and he was balls deep in a buff, red haired man. Both of them were sweating and groaning, and Louis just stood frozen in the doorway, feeling almost sick.

                “What the fuck …” Louis finally said, his confusion and rush of emotions giving way to a steely calm that scared him almost more than the thought of what he was seeing before him. Alex whipped his head around and quickly grabbed the sheet, pulling it haphazardly up to cover himself and the man underneath him, who appeared to have just finished, his eyes closed in a blissful relaxation that Louis recognized all too well.

                “Louis, I thought … what are you doing here?” Alex called over his shoulder, maneuvering under the sheet to try and right himself.

                “I wanted to surprise you … I missed you … but it doesn’t seem like you missed me all that much, huh?”

                Louis backed away slowly, moving back into the darkened hallway as Alex tried to stand up, got tangled in the sheet, and crashed to the floor.

                “It’s not what it looks like, I promise you …” Alex began, but that was enough for Louis. There was only one thing he was feeling right now, and it was a white hot rage.

                “You fucking asshole. How dare you … and don’t even try that ‘it’s not what it looks like’ bullshit on me. You were literally fucking the guy when I walked in!”

                “Uh, m’name’s Chris,” mumbled the other guy, but Louis shot him a look of pure venom and he shut up at once. Louis turned his attention back to Alex, who was standing up, looking defiant as he clutched the sheet to his waist.

                “Well, it’s not like you were giving me anything worthwhile. Had to go find someone who was willing to-”

                “I WAS FUCKING WILLING! You just never called me, you only texted me when you were horny and needed someone to talk you off, but you never invited me over. I tried so fucking hard for you, and you just … you know what? I’m out of here.”

                “I would have invited you over if you weren’t spending so much time with your hot shot pop star boy toy.” Alex’s tone was icy, and Louis turned back around, his hands balling into fists.

                “Don’t you fucking dare bring Harry into this. He’s the only one who’s treated me like a real person for the past month. At least he asks how I’m doing. At least he wants to hang out with me.”

                “He doesn’t care about you, he just wants to fuck you. I can’t believe you’d be so dumb not to realize that, but whatever. Guess the tabloids are right. You’re just a washed-up party boy who couldn’t give a damn what he looks like to the public as long as he has a hot date by his side for photo ops.”

                “You know NOTHING about my life!” Louis nearly screamed, using all the self-control he possessed not to attack Alex. “It took me years to accept who I was, and yet I still couldn’t share that with the world, but I was proud of myself, and I thought you got that. I thought you … but clearly, I was wrong. I’m leaving.”

                “Fine. Go. No one here wants you around anyway,” Alex yelled, and Louis was almost to the door when he saw it – Harry’s Rolling Stones shirt, sitting on top of the washing machine. Louis grabbed it, stuffed it into his coat pocket, and left, slamming the door behind him.

                Once outside, the emotions hit him full force and he felt hot tears sliding down his cheeks. His chest felt incredibly tight, and he stopped, holding onto a tree for support as sobs tore their way from his body. He had only felt like this one other time in his life, and, as it had been that time, he had only wanted to see one person.

                Wiping the tears forcefully from his face, he started off in the direction from which he had come … back to Harry.

~

                Harry was in the middle of his fifth sun salutation when there was a knock at his door. He pulled himself out of downward dog and brushed his damp, wispy curls out of his eyes. The knock came again, more insistent this time, and Harry walked towards the door, praying it was just one of those sales people that he could send away. He was disgusting.

                He opened the door, fully expecting to say “I don’t want anything, please leave,” but when he saw a red-eyed Louis standing on his doorstep, his heart sank.

                “Lou?” He asked softly, and Louis looked up at him, his blue eyes scanning his whole body from toes to his face. There was a strange look on his face, but the only thing Harry could see was the pain in his eyes, and he reached for Louis’ hand, pulling him into the apartment and closing the door behind them. He led Louis to the couch, turning off his music with a tiny remote on the table, and sat down next to Louis, who had curled in on himself and was staring at the floor, not saying a word.

                “Wanna tell me what happened?”

                Louis’ bottom lip trembled, and Harry reached out immediately to pull Louis close to him.

                “He … he cheated on me.”

                Harry’s fears confirmed, he just sat there, not saying a word as Louis began to shake with the force of his sobs. Harry held him and let him cry for a bit, but eventually, Louis sniffed and pulled back slightly, wiping his eyes.

                “How did you find out?” Harry asked carefully, and Louis’ eyes flashed momentarily with anger.

                “I went to surprise him, like you said, and found him fucking some guy named Chris. And … I don’t really remember what happened, I was so angry and upset and I just yelled a lot. And then I left, and the only person I wanted to be with was you, so …” Louis trailed off, his eyes trained on Harry’s face, and Harry tried for a soft smile.

                “Oh, babe … I’m sorry. You deserve much better than that awful prick. Tell you what, I’m going to … mmmph!”

                Harry didn’t have time to finish his sentence, or even his thought, because the moment Louis’ lips touched his, his mind went blank. The last year and a half might never have happened, because Louis’ lips were so familiar, so soft and insistent, and Harry had to use everything in him to pull away, putting a hand on Louis’ chest.

                “Whoa, Lou … we aren’t … you can’t be in a fit state to … fuck, kiss me again,” Harry let out in one long breath, surging forward and grabbing Louis by the back of the neck, forcing their mouths together in a heated kiss.

                Harry couldn’t stop. He couldn’t get enough of Louis, and Louis didn’t seem to be able to get enough of Harry either. He crawled into Harry’s lap, straddling his hips and slipping his tongue into Harry’s mouth. Harry growled low in his throat and pulled Louis closer, needing to be near him, needing their bodies to touch.

                Their hands traveled quickly over each other’s bodies, and somewhere in the midst of the kissing and the grinding and their panting breaths, their shirts were lost. Harry pulled Louis down on top of him and bucked his hips up, rubbing his clothed cock against Louis’. Louis moaned into Harry’s mouth and moved his hips with Harry’s, giving Harry the friction he so desperately needed right now. Louis knew exactly where to touch and where to move to get him going.

                “Lou, Louis … baby, wait,” Harry gasped, and Louis made a noise to show that he was listening, his lips moving down to attach themselves to Harry’s pulse point. “Are you sure about this?”

                Louis gave Harry’s neck a sharp nibble and then brought his head up to look Harry right in the eye. “Just fuck me already.”

                Harry felt electricity shoot down his spine, his stomach clenching pleasantly at Louis’ words, and he was up, holding Louis in his arms as they made their way to Harry’s room. Louis locked his legs around Harry’s waist and resumed his sucking at Harry’s neck. Harry felt his dick twitch in his pants and he picked up the pace, needing to get Louis spread out on his bed as quickly as possible.

                They made it to the room and Harry practically threw Louis onto the bed, leaning over to strip off his yoga shorts. He had opted to not wear anything under them, which he now realized was the best course of action. When he had retrieved lube from his bedside table drawer and looked up, he felt an overwhelming mix of emotions.

                Louis was sprawled out on his bed before him, clothes completely discarded, his tan skin set off by the fluffy white comforter underneath him. His eyes were blown, the blue of his irises almost gone as he stared up and down Harry’s body with an almost hungry expression. Harry just stared at him for a minute until Louis smirked and spoke.

                “Enjoying the view, are we, Harold?”

                “Oh, shut up,” Harry grumbled, crawling on top of Louis and kissing him hard. He could feel his cock, already dripping with precome, rubbing deliciously against Louis’, and he shuddered. He never thought he’d feel Louis’ hot skin under his hands ever again.

                “Fuck, Harry, you’re so fucking fit,” Louis mumbled, kissing all over Harry’s face until he reached his lips, and Harry allowed himself to be pulled down flush against Louis, their tongues tangling together and smothering their moans.

                “Gotta open you up, baby, yeah?” Harry said, his voice suddenly soft, and Louis’ expression flickered for a moment, relaxing into a fond expression that Harry remembered all too well.

                “Yeah … yeah, Haz, so ready for you, fuck …” Louis whispered, tugging on his cock slowly as Harry crawled between his legs. Harry knew how much Louis loves being rimmed, and sure enough, with the first swipe of his tongue, Louis moans, his hole twitching under Harry’s insistent mouth.

                Harry continued to lick fat stripes over Louis’ hole, making him nice and wet, and he could hear Louis’ breathy moans from above him, making him even more eager to get inside him.

                “Lou, you taste so good,” Harry moaned into Louis hole, poking his tongue past the tight ring of muscle, and Louis groaned, a hand slipping into Harry’s hair and gripping it tightly.

                “Shit, Harry …”

                Harry pulled Louis apart and forced his tongue in further, tasting and feeling Louis’ velvety soft walls against his tongue, and Louis’ grip on his hair became almost painful as Louis pulled him away.

                “Get up here and kiss me,” Louis gasped, his eyes wide and his whole body shaking with anticipation. Harry obliged, letting Louis taste himself on his tongue. Louis grabbed the sides of his face and held him there, and Harry sucked on Louis’ bottom lip, knowing how much it turned him on.

                “Get in me, Harry, fuck,” Louis mumbled into his mouth, and Harry pulled away to drizzle lube on his fingers. He carefully inserted one finger up to the knuckle and it slid in easily, Louis already open a bit from his tongue. He fucked that finger in and out a few times before sliding a second finger in next to the first, feeling Louis stretch around him.

                The longer Harry fingered him, the higher pitched Louis’ moans got until he was basically screaming, Harry’s three, long fingers rubbing up against his prostate.

                “Harry, please, fuck, please,” Louis babbled, and Harry pulled his fingers out, kissing up Louis’ chest until he reached his face. He brought his hand up and held his fingers to his lips, slowly sucking them into his mouth. Louis’ eyes fluttered and his dick twitched on his stomach, a blot of precome landing on his tan skin.

                “You ready for me, baby? Ready to take me?” Harry asked softly, kissing Louis’ cheeks, and Louis pulled himself into a half sitting position, grabbing Harry’s hair and pulling him in for a rough kiss.

                “Yes, fuck, yes, baby, I need you so bad.”

                Harry maneuvered himself into a better position, Louis laying back on the pillows and spreading his legs even wider for Harry. Harry hummed happily as he lined himself up, and Louis looked up at him, his blue eyes making Harry stop and just for a second before pushing in.

                Louis’ mouth dropped open as Harry pushed past the tightest part of him, and Harry groaned as Louis swallowed him up. Harry bit his cheek to keep from coming right then and there, and pulled Louis by the hips towards him until he was fully in, his hips pressing against Louis’ ass. Louis made a high pitched whine that made Harry’s cock twitch inside of him.

                “Fuck, move,” Louis groaned loudly, and Harry pulled himself almost all the way out, slamming back in and ripping a moan from Louis. He kept his pace slow, just grinding slowly in and out of Louis, as his whole body tingled. He remembered this. He loved this. He loved Louis so much, and even if this was just a one-time thing and Louis never spoke to him again, it would be worth it because he got to experience this with Louis one more time.

                “Gonna fuck me like you mean it?” Louis growled, pulling Harry down for another rough kiss, and Harry smirked against Louis’ lips. His hips started moving faster and faster until all that could be heard in the room was the slap of skin on skin and the breathy moans escaping both of them.

                “God, you’re so good,” Louis groaned in a choked voice as Harry nailed his prostate, and Harry felt a whine leave him. He was so fucking close, he could almost taste it. His stomach was coiling, ready to explode, and he kept up his pace, leaning down to suck on Louis’ collarbones.

                “Gonna wait to come till I come, yeah, Haz?” Louis said, moaning every time Harry pushed back in. “Gonna please me before you please yourself, you’re so good to me.”

                “So fucking close, Lou, please,” Harry very nearly cried, feeling his orgasm building more than he thought possible.

                “Fuck, gonna come, baby,” Louis squeaked, seemingly barely able to get the words out before he was shooting white stripes up all over his chest, some of it hitting Harry’s chest as well.  Harry felt Louis clench around him and that was it. With a yell, he came, shooting into Louis as he rode out his orgasm. Louis was panting, his face half relaxed in his post-orgasm glow, and Harry waited until he was going soft again before pulling out. He rolled over and pulled Louis to his come splattered chest, pressing his lips softly to Louis’. Louis hummed and cupped Harry’s cheek, kissing him slowly back. They made out lazily for a while before breaking apart, just looking at each other and taking in what had just happened.

                “I … I love you, Lou. Always have. I know it’s probably not right of me to say, but I mean it,” Harry whispered, and Louis just smiled, kissing Harry again and nipping at his bottom lip slightly.

                “If anyone should not be saying that, it’s me, but I can’t not say it. I love you too. So much. I’m sorry for everything … never leaving you again, no matter how hard it gets …” Louis mumbled, his eyes half closed as he snuggled up to Harry. Harry was so used to being the little spoon that this was new territory for him, but he kind of liked it. He liked holding Louis, protecting him from the surrounding fuckery that was their lives.

                “Promise?” Harry asked, kissing Louis’ forehead, and Louis looked up from Harry’s chest, a sleepy smile on his face.

                “Promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave kudos or a comment, I would love to know what you thought of it!
> 
> Lots of Love xx


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